Friday, February 10, 2006

Honestly, Hines Vermeil. Do you have to cry at the end of every season? I mean come on! Last year, you cried for Bettis. This year, you cried for.....Bettis. What's next? Who do you suppose cries more; Hines or his the infant he is carrying?
That is Pretty Fucking Gay (& Gross)

And I'll tell you something else, why even have "The Rolling Stones" perform at the Super Bowl? News flash: the Super Bowl was in Detroit. You know, Motown. And we have some 65 year old farts from across the Atlantic come over to perform? With a goddamn belly shirt! Look at all those people in the picture cheering Mick's queer ass on. "Mick, we are so hypnotized by your exotic, queer ways!" What a disappointment.
"I once ate a baby!"
White people embarrass me.
If If's & But's Were Candy & Nuts It Would Be Christmas Everyday (Right, Seahawks?)
"I'm taking this trophy because someone has to and you shithawks don't deserve it!"

Two things: 1) Yes, the officiating was shitty 2) If you're looking for someone to blame, you have to start with yourself

Despite the calls that went against them, Seattle still played like shit! You have to overcome penalties! Look what Pittsburgh did at Indianapolis. Pittsburgh overcame homer calls and won the game. They didn't have to use the homer calls as an excuse because they overcame adversity. AMERICA WAS BUILT ON PEOPLE OVERCOMING ADVERSITY. SO EXCUSE ME IF I DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR THE SEAHAWKS AND (SOME) OF THEIR CRY BABY, PUSSY FANS. FUCK YOU. OVERCOME. Those are my thoughts.

My Father, Finally Revealed
It has been requested that I post pictures of all my family members. The most requests have been for my dad. So there ya go. He has a nice beard. As evidenced by this picture, my dad could totally kick Popeye's ass. I still remember the day that picture was taken. The smell of saltwater filled the air. We were having pictures taken (the normal family photo bullshit) and I kept laughing at my dad because he looked ridiculous in his striped shit. I remember him getting pissed. About the time the picture you are looking at was taken, he was telling me, "there is nothing gay about my outfit, you little bastard!" Boy was I ever wrong. Look how pissed he is. Look at those guns! How about that hat?! There's something about the hat (or maybe the beard) that makes me think about lunch ladies. I wish I was a lunch lady. I make good salisbury steak and I know how to set a mouse trap. I think that pretty much qualifies me. I guess I've got something to think about this weekend.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Kate Moss Does NOT Use Drugs

What powder?

So Who is this Bettis Guy Anyway?
Kidding. But seriously, I can't use the urinal without hearing the name 'Jerome Bettis.' Attention Media: Take it easy! Lay-off a bit for crissake! Anyway, during the barrage of media stories regarding Bettis (or as my 96 year old neighbor now refers to him as "the bus") one story struck me as less redundant. It wasn't about the Super Bowl being in Detroit or any of the other unimaginative, repeating, unoriginal shit-ass stories you have read/heard. It was about Jerome Bettis, the student. The story goes on to tell how Bettis, as a nappy-headed grade school boy, used to carry a brief case to school. My mom (who loves such stories) talked to me about the article she had read. Her response was that she doubted anyone "made fun of him" because of the brief case. I beg to differ.
And You Thought Gollum Had Some Bad Chompers
Meet Paul Allen!
Please stop smiling, Paul. Please.

For those of you who don't know who Paul Allen is, let me tell you. He is the owner of the Seattle Seahawks. And as if that is not enough, he also is one of the co-founders of Microsoft. So one would be inclined to assume that Mr. Allen would have enough money to buy some friggin' Crest White Strips!

Now, allow me to provide a quick idiot test. If your response was, "he's got enough money to do whatever he wants." You, my friend are an idiot. I can't stand people who say stupid shit like that. You're missing the big picture. Post-it pad goldenrod is not an aesthetically pleasing color for one's teeth. Regardless of how much money one might have. Furthermore, the situation is fucked up because Paul Allen is filthy rich! There is no reason the man should be walking around looking like he's been chewing on dandelions! Buy some friggin' White Strips!

If Seattle winning the Super Bowl means Paul Allen will be smiling, PLEASE let the Steelers win!For the love of God, PLEASE!